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Gallatin Dog Club
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Humor
Doggie Toes CLIPPY THING

Upstairs in momma's secret drawer
she keeps a monster thing of horror,
they bite and try to eat our toes,
why they do that no one knows!

We bark and fuss and wiggle and squirm,
but our dad and momma hold us firm.
This thing of horror makes a noise
although it's squeaky--it's not like toys.

;It's a squeaky, snippy, clippy thing,
it has sharp teeth and a big strong spring.
Sometimes after it eats our feet,
we get something good to eat.

But one day when no one else is home
and we are left here all alone,
we'll sneak it out and none will know,
we sent it where the odd socks go!
— author currently unknown
 
Obedience Trial

Satan entered a large building where a dog show was being held. Everyone, upon seeing the devil, ran screaming from the building. The only person left inside was a gray-headed gentleman seated down by the obedience ring. The evil incarnate spoke to the man saying “Do you know who I am?”

“Sure do” was the old man's reply.

Hearing that there was no fear in his voice the devil asked “Do you know that I could destroy you with a word?”

“Possible” stated the Old Timer.

Becoming quite perturbed at the total lack of terror, the devil screamed “I COULD BANISH YOU TO HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY OLD MAN, WHY DO YOU NOT FEAR ME??????”

Unshaken, the man replied “I’ve shown dogs for forty years, I’ve gotten obedience titles on no less than a dozen dogs. I’m pretty sure that at least three of them were your children.”

— (author currently unknown)

Yellow Urka-Gurkas and other gross dog things
YELLOW URKA-GURKAS

Dog runs around the house and hides under furniture while making a prolonged "uurka-guurka, uurka-guurka" noise (the only noise guaranteed to wake up a dog lover who is hungover from a 3:30am post-dog-show celebration). After a mad scramble to capture the dog and drag him outside, the episode ends with an indelible line of slimy yellow froth from the living room rug to the back door.

BLAP DISEASE

Dog exercises hard and
a) eats large mouthfuls of snow (winter blap disease) or
b) drinks a bucket of water (summer blap disease).
Within two minutes of returning inside the dog spews out large amounts of clear, slimy liquid, making a distinctive "blap" sound and sharp percussive noise as it hits the linoleum.

GARKS

Dog suddenly clears his throat with loud and dramatic "gggark, gggark" noises, followed by a prolonged "iiksss" and then loud, satisfied smacking noises. There is nothing on the rug. Don't investigate, you don't want to know.

RALFS

Apropos of nothing, the dog strolls into the dining room and waits 'til the innocent dinner guests are all watching him. Then, with a single deep gut-wrenching "raaaallff", disgorges the entire week's contents of his stomach on the rug. Variation: he eats it.

In all of the above events, the dog is entirely healthy and indeed, deeply pleased with himself.
(From the Owner-Handler's Association Newsletter, via "In the Ring")

Copyright 2006 © Gallatin Dog Club. All rights reserved.